Clarifying the Name thing

It has come to my attention that I've confused some of you. Am I Carol Ann or Carol? Carol Robbins, as in my pen name, or Carol Camp, (my first married name and the name of my biological sons and three grandchildren,) or Carol Hull, my subsequent married name and the name of my step-sons and three more grandchildren?)

On July 23, 2013 I participated in a class "Blogging for Beginners." on the third day of the class I had to name my blog, and give the name I'd be writing as author. I hold all of my names through the years in deep affection. All have been important to me, and each one fit at the time. 

The following is from the blog that I wrote on July 28, 2013. My reasoning remains the same today.

"My parents gave me the name Carol Ann Robbins at birth and, as was the tradition in the South at the time, I was always called the double name, Carol Ann. However as a teenager I thought it would be more sophisticated to drop the Ann, so when we moved to Montgomery and I began a new high school, I told teachers and new friends that I did not use my middle name. When I married I became Carol Robbins Camp, and signed all art I produced in that name. After many years I was divorced, but kept my married name. After several years I remarried and became Carol Robbins Hull. Subsequent art was produced under that name, but the question of how to make known that the work under different names arises often. In preparing to publish my first book, I have decided that I will publish it, and any future writing, under the only name that has been constant for me, Carol Robbins."

As to the blog - well I've been awful at keeping it going. Some of the entries from the first year or two are some of my favorites if you'd like to take a look at them.

Is there such a thing as writer's remorse?

 We've all heard of buyer's remorse, that condition of buying something, often on a whim, then questioning or regretting the cost, action, or the item. I have personal experience with that but won't revisit those events at this time. 

I also admit that my mouth has gotten ahead of my brain at times and I've said things that later I wished I'd phrased differently or not said at all. Once words leave our mouths they cannot be unsaid. But what if the words were unspoken, but written? Oh, the implications! Yes. on at least one occasion I've written something in a letter, and when said letter slid through the slot at the post office it was too late to change my mind about the contents. What if the words were not in a letter, but in a published work?

As I mentioned in my last blog, I've been working on a cozy mystery that I started ten or so years ago - that I unearthed it and began the task of editing it again. I soon found editing to be not only tedious but seemingly an unending process. Checking for spelling, word usage, and grammatical errors can be one thing, polishing the story another. Then there was the decision to search for an agent and publisher or self-publish. My decision to self-publish may be what triggered my possible writer's remorse.

Had I decided to seek an agent and publisher there would have been someone not only to decide if the story were worth publishing but also to assist me in making possible changes. In choosing to self -publish I did not have that guidance from the pros. However, I did not do this entirely alone. I had help in formatting and cover production, for which I am very thankful, but they could only work with what I provided. Then came the next part: uploading it to KDP, ordering proof copies (which showed that I had errors to correct) making changes, and ordering more proof copies, which I am awaiting as I write this. So there could be more problems before this thing is actually published, and several chances to back out of the whole thing.  

But here I go, doing it anyway. It seems important to hold the actual book in my hand or see it on my e-reader. Perhaps this is a holdover from my school days when deadlines had to be met for turning in term papers or finishing a project. But self-doubt has reared its ugly head, whispering to me in the wee hours, "Are you sure this isn't going to be an embarrassment that you brought it to the light of day? Should you have just left it in the drawer and chalked it up to just writing practice rather than publishing it?"  

One thing I can say is that it wouldn't be the first time I've been embarrassed over something and that I usually managed to move forward afterward. So I'm giving it a go. Good, bad, or in-between, I'm putting it out there - soon I hope. Let the remorse fall where it may.